Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
