It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
