i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
