Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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