I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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