Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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