there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize