Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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