Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
