Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You brought string cheese to the strip club
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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