My sheets look like a crime scene.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
