I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
