i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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