Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm like, not good at living.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
