just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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