dude i'm inner monologue high
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
