my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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