I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
