I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
