Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
