his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
