you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
