spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
