he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
