I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
