I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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