you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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