i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
