dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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