I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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