we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
