What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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