Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
