Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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