She said her name was "party"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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