i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize