Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
