I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
