OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
