you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
