I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
