Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
