Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
