We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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