I think im going to throw up on grandma
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
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