Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
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Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
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I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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