How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
