I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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