i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
