Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
