so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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