Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
