**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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