it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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