im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
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dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
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Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed