I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.