Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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