and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Randomize
