That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
