we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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