How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I didn't notice because vodka
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
