1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
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Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
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So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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