Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
