guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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