Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
